Every intimate relationship goes through cycles—whether new or old—and one thing is certain: there always will be change involved in the process. It all comes down to how we handle change and the kind of energy that we want to create in a relationship with our partner. This is the ethic taught in the Heart Samadhi Program developed for the Ars Essentia Learning platform. It is easy to get caught up in the story that we tell about ourselves and our partner. If anyone asked you about your relationship and you were genuinely honest, what story would you relay? What would be the positives and negatives?
If you want to rewrite your story and turn it into the one we want to be telling, there are some things you must first understand about the nature of a healthy, loving, and lasting relationship. The first thing you need to do is start seeing the relationship from a T.E.A.M. perspective, where there is a win-win mentality instead of a win-lose mentality. In our culture, we have been taught to value win-lose; however, if someone has to lose in this case then your relationship loses.
Studies show that while growing up we hear 30 negatives to each positive. Imagine all the belief systems we developed that we must break away from in order to be our authentic selves. For many people the mind has been programmed to see the negative. It is important to rewire the brain and improve our emotional health.
Of course, there will be times when some negative things must be said, but when this happens wrap it up in a “positive sandwich.” Always sprinkle in some positive when you have to be negative. A good way to develop a positive outlook is for you and your partner to sit down and each write out 30 things, big or small, that you like about each other and the relationship. When you are done, compare lists and then place them somewhere that you both can see them as a reminder of how you truly see each other at the core.
Thirty may seem like a lot but it allows the mind to think if the little things that sometimes go unnoticed.